


A Culmets Short

by Welcome2MyWorld



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Culmets is a good ship, Hurt/Comfort, I also couldn't think up a good title so this is what we've got, I'm semi-projecting onto Hugh and I'm sorry, Light Angst, M/M, Post Episode: s02e08 If Memory Serves, Sylvia Tilly is a Good Friend, the boys need therapy ok?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:14:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25902646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Welcome2MyWorld/pseuds/Welcome2MyWorld
Summary: Ash Tyler is Voq.Ash Tyler alsoisn'tVoq.It's a confusing time for many people, but one person in particular isn't handling things the way he'd like to.No one can understand how it feels to be living in a dream.It isn't fair on anyone.
Relationships: Hugh Culber & Sylvia Tilly, Hugh Culber/Paul Stamets, Michael Burnham & Hugh Culber, Michael Burnham & Sylvia Tilly, Paul Stamets & Sylvia Tilly
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	A Culmets Short

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo.....A Level results happened and one exam board hasn't finished doing the result yet. So I'm stuck waiting for my final grade and I don't know if I can get into Uni yet. Since I've been watching Discovery recently (well, the two seasons that are out so far), I've had it in my brain for a while and had a moment where I was very out of it and just thought "oh hey, Culber's very floaty at the minute, haha."  
> I honestly don't know where my brain went with this, but it's here and done now. If anyone wants a second chapter, I _might_ do one, but this is mainly a stand alone thing. Idk if the end is good, but it's an ending.
> 
> Enjoy reading!!

It wasn’t fair. It really just _wasn't fair._

Why was he back? Why was he allowed back on _Discovery_ after all he had done? It...it wasn’t fair. Not for Hugh, not for Paul, not for Burnham.

Not for any the crew.

The betrayal hit them hard, but so far Hugh hadn’t seen any hatred from the crew towards the man ~~Klingon?~~ that had killed one of their own and almost killed another. Yeah, ok, Tyler ~~Voq?~~ had been back on the ship longer than him, but he wasn’t part of the crew complement anymore. Hugh was, so he should matter more, right?

Tyler even seemed better, with no fears about who he was and what his purpose was. Hugh didn’t get that luxury. He had to struggle with dulled senses, distant memories and a very worried partner. The doctor didn’t want to hurt Paul; he hated the pain and confusion in the mycologist's blue eyes, but how could he understand what Hugh was going through?

He had died, why couldn’t Paul ever acknowledge that? Why did he never admit that Hugh Culber had been medically and physically _dead_. The only way he was alive – and this was insane – was because of a universal network that Paul had a connection with.

**He wasn’t even real.**

Yes, Doctor Pollard had said he was alive and healthy. Yes, he could touch reality now. Yes, Paul was happy (and that made him happy too), but he couldn’t focus. Everything was here....and it was wrong. Nothing felt right and it made Hugh feel helpless, like he was falling through the fabric of the universe and down an endless pit.

Tilly found him in the dining hall during the very early hours of the morning, at the time where your brain hasn’t quite realised it’s the next day. He could hear her walking towards him, but with how separate he was from reality, he couldn’t bring himself to look at her. He was floating away with nothing to tie him down, so her eager steps that had a newfound confidence didn’t do much to bring him back into orbit and even the gentle touch on his shoulder did nothing. The young Ensign paused, then sat next to Hugh and looked out of the window as well.

“See anything interesting?” She asked in a light tone, obviously trying to strike up a conversation. Most likely to make him tell her his problems. Hugh was too mentally exhausted to fight it.

“No...” he said with a sigh, eyes unfocused, “thought I might find an answer but....I didn’t.”

“An answer for what?”

‘ _Curse this girl’s easy personality'_ he said to himself, envying the way she could ask those kinds of questions and make them feel like the simplest thing in the world.

“For....for everything I guess.” He turned to her with a look that was so lost it almost knocked the other off her chair. “Why are you here Tilly? Did Paul send you?” She shook her head quickly, red curls bouncing around despite being tied back.

“No, he didn’t, but I was worried about him. Commander Stamets is usually quite talkative – well, not originally, but you know that – and when he came in at the beginning of his shift he didn’t look at me. It-It was weird because usually I greet him and he greets me and then through the shift we talk about the work and some other things that might have happened on the ship and-” she stopped abruptly, glancing at Hugh and smiling apologetically, “s-sorry, I have a habit of, um, talking. A lot.” The doctor just blinked and nodded, gesturing for her to continue.

“A-Anyway, um, so when I asked Stamets if he was ok, he just kinda looked at me, y'know? With that look that says 'do I look ok to you?’ It wasn’t heated though...like he didn’t seem angry at me but kinda sad instead, so I asked him if _you_ were alright and he just sighed and walked away. I think he may have said something about talking to you instead, but I’m not sure. My shift just ended, so I came to find you.” Tilly finished her recall of the day and awkwardly put her hands in her lap, fingers twisting together uncertainly.

Hugh looked out of the window again, thinking on what she had said. “He’s grounded in reality...I don’t know if I can get that back,” he muttered, blinking away sudden tears that welled up and threatened to spill over.

“He wasn’t for a long time,” she said softly, the sad intonation in her voice making Hugh look at her again, “Being stuck in the mycelial network, lose-losing you, it-” she took a shaky breath in, steadying herself, “-it really took him down.”

“ _This_ is taking _me_ down. It's taking me away too.”

“Away from where?”

“Everywhere! Everything!” Hugh stood up, walking away from the window in frustration. Funny that, he could tell he was annoyed but couldn’t quite feel it. The realisation pulled a noise from him that was half a laugh and half a sob, prompting him to put a hand over his mouth and squeeze his eyes shut.

**Block everything out and maybe something will feel real.**

This time when Tilly tried to draw his attention by placing a hand on his arm, he managed to open his eyes and look at her.

“Tilly I....I'm not really here,” he murmured, the tears finally falling. How could he do this in front of _her_ and not Paul? What made Sylvia Tilly more comforting in that moment than the man he loved more than anyone in the universe? Hugh couldn’t come up with an answer. The young woman gave him a determined look, those blue eyes staring him down. _'She'll make a fine captain,'_ he mused.

“Yes you are. I-I know that a lot of people have probably said that and I’m guessing you’re feeling detached from everything right now but you, Dr Hugh Culber, are very much real. Alive and kicking.” She smiled at him, one of those small reassuring smiles that he had seen her send in Paul's direction more than once. Tilly cared about her crew members, especially the ones she saw as friends. _'Definitely captain material.’_

“Now-Now, go find Mr Stamets and talk to him. He needs you, and you need him.” It sounded _final_ and made Hugh swallow thickly, slowly nodding in agreement.

“Alright,” he whispered, flashing a weak smile when she patted his arm and spun around, walking out of the room with a bounce in her step. Was she ever not upbeat? He had to find Paul now, he said he would. Reluctantly, Hugh left the hall and headed for Engineering, assuming that’s where his partner would be. That’s where Paul usually was, always working with his mushrooms and getting the network _just right._ He knew the other man loved his work, but sometimes he wished for a break in that. Just one day, or maybe two, where they could talk and relax and just be together. That would be perfect.

“-ber? Dr Culber, are you alright?” Hugh’s thoughts were broken by the calm, yet mildly concerned voice of one Michael Burnham. _'She's a Commander now, isn’t she?’_ he remembered, coming round with a slightly confused expression.

“Hm? Oh, yes...yes I’m fine, thank you.” He attempted a smile, but when a human that has been raised on Vulcan is your opponent, you’re not likely to get away with fakery like that. He sighed softly, rubbing his arm nervously, “I’ve....been told to find Paul. I-I guess I got lost in thought for a while there.”

“Did Tilly find you?”

“Yeah, she did...” Hugh paused, watching the almost imperceptible changes in Burnham’s eyes as she thought. Looking around, he noticed that he had gone past Engineering, “Ah, I’ve walked past it. I should-”

“He isn’t there.”

“Wh...what?”

“Stamets isn’t in Engineering.”

He looked at Burnham like she had just told him the ship was about to explode. She gave him a hint of a smile, which was rare, and nodded her head.

“Then where-”

“He said he was going back to your quarters, most likely waiting for you. Tilly was falling asleep, so I came to find you instead.”

Hugh was stunned. Paul, _not_ in Engineering? Was he finally going mad? He thanked Burnham and headed for- well, he couldn’t quite call it home again just yet, but that’s what Paul said. Maybe they could finally talk things through. Maybe....maybe the doctor could coax an admission from him. He couldn’t take much more of this, of Paul never talking about what had happened, of Paul trying to make things normal when they were anything but.

It wasn’t fair, but nothing was in space. He just wanted to feel himself again, but he didn’t know how to get that back. Hugh was adrift with nothing to keep him down except memories of experiences and a fear of the network that had saved and almost killed him.


End file.
